I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
