She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
