Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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