You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sobbing to NWA
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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