I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
