Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
