You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
