I wanna passion pit in your ass
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize