My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
