Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
