Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
