Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
