She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
