just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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