how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need water and some morals
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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