Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
