I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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