My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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