just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
