She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
