Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
