the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
