i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
