i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
