Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
