just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
