You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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