I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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