I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
