she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
