hotel room ftw
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize