Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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