I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
