Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
