I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
