So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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