Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
