Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
