Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize