so that wasnt chicken after all
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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