are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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