My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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