I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
