I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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