sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize