Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
