I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
