Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
