Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
