is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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