I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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