I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
