Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
