im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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