so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His hands were made for my vagina.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
