He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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