i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
