i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize