just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
