epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
