You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
