he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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