some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You ruined the universe
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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