my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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