I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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