My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
