5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
