Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
