so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
