After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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