she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
and you fell through a lawn chair
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
