We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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