I love black thongs
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
