Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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