Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
